lovely

2007-02-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

What a touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew

i got forced to write this post. so if YOU are reading this, hmph. ive updated and now its your turn.

so, to update, life has been going pretty well for me. I can honestly say if moe announces tomorrow that we're going to be recipients of our results this week, I wont be devasted that i didnt spend my holidays well. Ive worked, ive played, ive met friends, ive watched movies, ive gone on holiday, ive lazed around aimlessly at home, ive gotten an internship, ive clubbed, ive taken classes and ive spend time with people who matter most. So i do think in summary, it has been a rather fulfilling holiday. However, i would rather the dreaded moment not be this week because i really do have an excellent week up ahead and i could do without the reality check. Plus my SAT results are already coming out this week. Double whammies are prohibited.

Anyway, i realised something about my dad today. He is secretly marshmellow hearted! HAHA. but ok only to my mom i think because obviously ive never encountered such generous behaviour when it comes to me. He's sending flowers to my mom to surprise her for valentines because shes not in town! my mom is going to be so shell shocked. i can almost imagine her face. GIGGLE. Its true what neha said the other day, whatever people say about flowers being retarded and useless, i think every girl secretly loves them. So yay, i gave my dad the thumbs up even though he tried fruitlessly to make some wisecrack to hide his secret sentimental side. (:

ok my creative juices have now run dry. goodbye.

You're cynical and beautiful

You always make a scene

You're monochrome delirious

You're nothing that you seem

I'm drowning in your vanity

Your laugh is a disease

You're dirty and you're sweet

You know you're everything I need

2006-11-28T02:51:00.000+08:00

im not the girl i want to be.

2006-11-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

I logged on thinking im going to post a nice little entry on some thing i had thought about earlier in the morning but now, not only can i not remember what the thing i thought of earlier was, the day seems to have passed me by in great swaths and everything i did seems to amalgamated into one pitiful undecipherable lump about which i cant seem to string a sensible coherant line of words together.
shit i just realised that was one bloody long sentence.

and its just really..annoying.

what i really right now

a wake up call
everything to diffuse into my brain
53 hour days
some stranger coming to my door with a lovely package of tlc
new shoes(im not sure why but new shoes seem to be the cure for all pains)

POOOOOOP.

2006-10-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

couture just makes me want to hyperventilate and die

speaking of which, i love jean paul gaultier. because he had his models wearing top hats on the runway made of hair! HE IS SO INGENIOUS ITS UNBELIEVABLE. check it out.

the middle one is just a random tyra banks photo but she looks hot. haha. ok anyway point of the matter is, i love tophats and couture. every piece is like a little story in itself. beautiful.

2006-10-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

yesterday while taking a walk, i overheard a girl telling her friend how she learnt to kiss and give hickeys from an online guide to kissing and even more bemusing was how she was recommending it to her friend like a polished car salesman. i couldnt help but be rather amused, its highly evident singapore is churning out studyguidedependent mindless zombies through our education system. hahaha. the wonders of technology, apparently the internet really has the answer to everything.

(this is probably step one) HAHA.

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time

Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time

And Hung Me On A Line

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl

Who's In The Middle Of Something That She Doesn't Really Understand

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man

Who Could Ever Help Me

Baby Won't You Help Me Understand

i saw this and thought of all the times my bestfriends have consoled me. in these trecherous time of mounting neverending work, i cant help to think about my loveliest girlfriends as my secret place of solace. haha. no one can replace a girlfriend, theyre the ones who know when to be pragmatic and tell you that you look skinny but at the same time warn you when you look like you have an elephant in your pants. and they really do tell you that you are prettier than your exboyfriend's new girlfriend. and whatever the case, its always true. haha. <3

2006-10-26T03:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think, i dont ever want to be attached. i dont think i can take the trauma of not talking to who i want or doing what i want or meeting whoever i want to whenever i want to without having to feel guilty im breeching someone elses trust. commitments are complicated and discommodious. Yes perhaps im just spoilt and too independant for my own good but i dont see how its possible to live in someone elses shadow. maybe i need to learn patience because i dont think il have such longanimity to stick through the sticky situations. ok im just musing but this is going out to you girls, hang in there lovelies. i feel your pain. BOYS STINK SOMETIMES.

2006-10-26T02:30:00.000+08:00

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

i read this somewhere and since im devoid of a sensible entry, i shall post it because i think its rather lovely and i happen to agree.

I was lying in bed last night and I realised I have a thing for hands.Especially hands with long fingers, a large slightly calloused palm, and a gentle touch.Maybe to me, hands symbolise security and strength, gentleness and love; because hands work to survive and protect, hands write beautiful words and music, hands wipe away tears and more importantly, hands hold hands.

2006-10-24T14:45:00.000+08:00

Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust,
Like Diamonds, we are cut with our own dust.
-ferdinand.

2006-10-22T14:40:00.000+08:00

its about trust and patience. its about taking risks to sustain, about battling through complications. its for a happily ever after. thank you, yesterday you lulled me to sleep.

yesterday night, after a long time i had one of those dreams that felt real. twas one of those surreal moments, the ones you think wont happen to you but then in a twist of fate, in the heat of the moment, in that little suspension of time, it happens and youre left feeling like a euphoric little bubble. but my dream was anti-climax and quite a bubble burster. poop. haha. oh but the message i recieved from it was essentially this,

haha. what a randomtandom post. oh and since we're being random, as i type this, maximus in his sleep. just rolled onto his back and is now lying with his four paws in the air oblivious to the fact that he looks like a fruit. my dog is so adorable.

2006-10-19T13:14:00.000+08:00

let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
hoping for the best but expecting the worst
are you going to drop the bomb or not?
let us die young or let us live forever
we don't have the power but we never say never
sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
the music's for the sad men
can you imagine when this race is won
turn our golden faces into the sun
praising our leaders we're getting in tune
the music's played by the madmen
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

2006-10-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

10 things you want to say to 10 different people without naming names.

ive known you longer than anyone, besides family and i dont think i could do without you.
you're my lousteam, i really think so.
2 years wouldve never been the same without you.
you dance like no ones watching, like a star. you make me want to dance too.
i know il always love something about you even though you stabbed me time and time again.
im glad i got to know you better, youre a laugh.
i wonder if you'll ever stop being fake and pretentious.
Its you i run to when i want to laugh, cry or divulge my deepest secrets because i know you wont judge me
i miss you more than you know and i secretly die a little every time you leave.
youre my rock, grounding me. id be less if not for you.

haha. try figuring it out. no promises that youre up there though! (:

2006-10-12T15:40:00.000+08:00

mel.sam.sher.grace.simin.adiba.rekha.arina.joyce.oli.daphne.chestine.sihua.kenneth.haz.amos.ivan.john.

tasha.krystle.ruilin.liz.samfok.deb.amanda.babyhair.natbala.the drama folks.the arts fac.

miss low's "birthday"
the backstreet boys performance in class
lingeri, van gog, pipping toms and janes, harrycanes.
heck, all our gp lessons
mrs yap and her cod liver oil theories
miss leow and her hellokitty fascination
mr lynn and his frogs
mrs meow and her atmosphere which we're all still grappling to understand
mr woolhead and his songs and stories
mr sam ng and rennaisance

theres so much more. but lots of it is intangible. its in this melted liquidified form that just slips past my fingers as i try and grasp it. i shall therefore keep it in my heart and in my mind because i know im going to do injustice to memories if i try and express them in words. sometimes, words just arn't enough. i can speak of emotion, tell you how i think i feel, but you wont know it the way i do. you'll know it the way you have learnt how to feel. but enough of this pseudo emotionalbaggage removal.

lest it be thought so, im not sad that school ended. im quite contented to be done with uniform checks and excooze me ah young lady your skirt is quite short. im happy that i no longer have to wear 70% white shoes(though i never wore that away so whatever haha) No more waking up at unearthly times such as 630am and morning assembly and eh are you having a free period now? However, this also means not seeing 2aa3 everyday and my lovely girls and sitting at the voiddeck and sputtering with unabashed laughter that made us appear young, puerile and terribly unsophisticated in comparison to everyone else.

while i know in my heart of hearts for some of these people, goodbye means goodbye. i probably wont be seeing some of these people again after this year comes to a close. but even still i know and really do hope that i will keep my relationships with the rest. i have met people in ac who i have grown to love and who have grown to love me and my little idiosyncracies. people like mel who i have seen more than anyone in these past 2 years, more than family, and we still havent reached a plateau where we suffer from silence. thanks for everything y'all. ac wouldve been just a 7 storey shell without you guys. thanks for the great last day, what with the screaming and standing on chairs and hollering the school anthem, we owned last years baccalaureate service man.

ps. i have a secret crush on clarence. he's the best president ever.

THE BEST IS YET TO BE

Because,
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the country side
Sitting in the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Hey you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be my love

2006-10-09T12:59:00.000+08:00

HAHA

2006-10-02T19:04:00.000+08:00

up is down, squares are round,

a straight line always bends,

wrong is right and black is white,

beginnings are all ends.

2006-10-02T18:20:00.000+08:00

and i will try, to fix you.

i have no idea why but i had some sort of weird self reflection the other day and i think i need to revamp my image. HAH. as much as im one to always advocate how one should never be pretentious and try and be someone we're not, nevertheless, i have come to the conclusion that i must/will try and tweek myself for undisclosed reasons. after all, after a complex cost benefit analysis, i have concluded its only for the better.

Main Entry: demure
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: reserved
Synonyms:
affected, backward, bashful, blushing, close, coy, decorous, diffident, earnest, humble, modest, nice, prim, prissy, proper, prudish, reticent, retiring, sedate, serious, shy, silent, sober, solemn, staid, strait-laced, timid, unassertive, unassuming, unassured
Antonyms:
aggresive, bold, brash, extroverted, loudmouthed, outgoing

onward ho. (:

2006-09-30T00:08:00.000+08:00

Just like a star in my sky

There are some things in life money cant buy.

we survived it this long my loves, and i know we'll be holding on to each other till the end. il be your safety net when you feel like your spiralling facefirst into a landing pad of manure. hold on for the ride girls, its gonna be bumpy and bruise enduring but in the end i know we'll get off thankful for each other and being as retarded as always. i love you my threesome.

Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone

Who will save me from all

Im up against out in this world

And maybe, maybe, maybe

Youll find something thats enough to keep you

But if the bright lights dont receive you

You should turn yourself around and come on home

2006-09-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

im fucking scared im running out of time. all i need is more productive days like today. sustain me because im tired and this close to giving up.

i need that place in law/business/journalism. I NEED IT.

2006-09-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

a shoutout to the bestfriend with love.

its really lovely(for lack of another more apt word) to meet good friends after a long time and realise that nothing has changed. conversations are still as funny/lame/meaningful and you can still click just as well. its always been a fear of mine that one day, people with change come time and circumstance and my pillars of strength will crumble away leaving me feeling forlorn and miserable in my newfound poor lonely existance. i have no idea how i would ever be able to survive without my friends, more importantly that inner circle in my life. the ones who stick by you and dig you out of lifes' little ditches and sit by and listen as you document your injuries. theyre the ones who understand you because your feelings are their feelings. they dont splash on a veneer of friendship that is superficial and shallow but instead theyre the ones laughing with(or at) you when life pulls one of its practical jokes. its the ones who feed off the same mind..they rant and rave and cry and laugh and do it all knowing that whatever happens, good or bad, they'll do it over again for you in a heartbeat. thank goodness for friends, my anchors when life swashes by me in great dollops and leaves me reeling in its wake.

To all of you with much love. i think i shall strive to be a better friend. But in the meanwhile, i hope we will always have this much fun.

2006-09-18T11:46:00.000+08:00

since stacey did this for me, here it is. (:

leave me a message in my guestbook if you wish and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. This is optional but out of the goodness of your heart, you must post this on yours.

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

i love the googoo dolls.

2006-09-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

figure it out you shakespeare wannabes

Its funny how i ridicule those annoying boys and girls who are overprotective/overpossesive leeches when after some careful consideration i realised some of my thoughts and actions can be pretty much on the same page. i was thinking about it today, how we positively beam with pride when someone says, oh..he/she is HER bestfriend. Or in a conversation amongst people talking about a common person we are able to say..OHOH she/he is MY really really good friend! Its this instant claim and and possession on that person, telling the world, this is MINE not yours. In the same way, i think we all feel a little tingling concoction of anger/jealousy/fear/suspicion and the likes of other such negativity when people who you knew first become better friends with other people they got to know later. it parallels why we get infuriated when we see someone with the same shirt on or the same bag that we thought was one of a kind and ours alone. It's a very I-was-here-first kind of hierachal emotion and evident in every single one of us. i guess its inborn thing unless you are one of those lovely i-trust-you-completely, you-are-as-free-as-fresh-air, do-as-your-heart-pleases sort of persons when it comes to issues concerning friends and the loves(heaven knows im hardly that sort) Its just how well we manage to hide and/or channel these custodial thoughts that separates the possessive from the watchful i guess. After all, it cant be helped that our emotions are linked to a thread of dominion. Anyway im frightfully sleepy, goodnight world.

2006-09-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

i wish upon a star.

today someone caught my eye. hmmm.

2006-09-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

when

changes to

sigh sigh sigh. time for a transition, and so its back to the grind. however for some pleasentaries, i have a spanking new time table and the latest i end is 2.30 which is a vast improvement from 3.50 and 4.30 days prior to this. we all have this interesting new tutorial and lecture system for literature which is lovely and flexible and very much aligned to university stylings so thats another thumbs up. in other news, there is oc tomorrow and excuse me if this sounds silly but im quite excited. oc is the tv highlight of my week. everything else is rather trashy in comparison.

time for some reverse darwinism.

2006-09-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

we call it show stoppin'

these happen to be my prom dress options. they are absolutely gorgeous lacy, shiny, sequiny, flowy pieces of art. the only problem is they all cost round about 10000 bucks a pop. but but but..not to fret ank. you have found your dress and that is what is important. now..i just have to figure out how tight security is at banks these days..hmmmm.

When some people tell me that they miss me, but don't remember something i told them a few days ago it makes me rather skeptical about the sincerity of their words.

When people who used to genuinely miss me, tell me they miss me now, and forget little things about me, I do wonder if they still miss me now. suspicious.

I'm not angry or anything, just musing, because I'm probably guilty of the very same thing.It just makes you wonder, that's all, who really, honestly, genuinely, misses you.

It's nice to be missed. it makes you feel loved. Just needs to be genuine, because the world is already creaking and groaning under the magnitude of pretentious cows. ok goodbye.

2006-09-06T08:54:00.000+08:00

my ear drum feels like its going to burst. something is seriously wrong now. my hearing from my left ear has been reduced to by 50% and when i speak the voice doesnt seem to travel out of my head. this has all been a rather trying and painful process. im off to the doctor before this spirals out of control and i lose all use of my left auditory canal.

and so today it begins. (:

2006-09-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

yes i would like to make a public declaration that i have fallen in love with a white boy. he makes me swoon and makes heads turn. the best part of the deal is, he has puppy dog eyes, comes running when i call, is happy on a leash and eats out of my hand. (: everyone, meet maximus. the boy every girl dreams of. (:

sorry the quality is rather bad but i couldnt use flash(flash makes his eyes look like they have little burning fires inside them and thats really quite eerie) and it was further accelerated by poor lighting. oh well. it'll have to do. his extent of appeal is unmistakable either way.

The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun

And I knew no words to share with anyone

The boundaries of language I quietly cursed

And all the different names for the same thing

2006-09-05T00:35:00.000+08:00

im not entirely sure why but i had a sudden urge to start blogging again. i dont know how long il stay because this seems to have a short shelf life for me and im sure soon this will get to be a nauseating chore again but till then, il make the most of it. hurray to a new pretty layout and the works. its funny how someone as techinically uninclined as me is now capable of changing layouts and adding guestbooks. its so simple these days that you no longer need to give a hoot about html and all that other absurd gibberish. (what does html stand for anyway?) yes well, goodbye.

alltogether now, aww. perfection in imperfection.

2006-06-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

ok this one shall be my little secret. (: